Whahey! It's only taken me twenty-odd years, but here's the story of my love / hate affair with 1s and 0s.
Here's the history bit, and here's the modern bit (including some internet security tips).
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History
The first electronic device I had that you could attach to a cathode ray tube was a Binatone TV Master Mk. 4 game console. It played tennis, squash, football, and had a gun to shoot targets. The controls were twist dials, and the options (hardware options: switches) could make the ball move fast or slow, or make the bats big or small. I think it was 1978. It plugged into the back of the television, and you needed to tune a channel in to the modulator, but that was OK because there were only three channels in 1978, and the television had four buttons. Nobody under the age of twenty five can possibly make sense of that last sentence.
In 1981 I saw my first real computer. It was an RML 380-Z. In its unexpanded form it had a whole 56Kb of memory, no hard disk, an external tape drive, BASIC operating system that you had to load at startup (it took about ten minutes) and a black screen monitor with green letters. What a machine! I was in love. The school science technicians at Shawlands Academy had blagged it from somewhere, I shudder to think. Lovely guys, really, but they always stank of toluene, and after lunch, marijuana.
1983: my first home computer - a Sinclair ZX-81. Unexpanded it has a whole 1Kb of memory, no hard drive, external tape player (audio cassettes!), a keyboard that I can't begin to describe the awfulness of, monochrome display of (I think) 192 x 256 pixels, and no sound. It came with an optional RAMpack that took it up to a giddy 16Kb, except that the RAMpack plugged straight into the edge of the computer's main circuit board in a totally dodgy fashion, and kept falling out (whereupon you lost all your work). Saving a full 16Kb could take half an hour, if your power supply didn't overheat first.
1983 or 84, can't remember which, I got a Sinclair ZX Spectrum. This was available in 16Kb and 48Kb options, but having been burned by my experiences of the ZX-81's RAMpack I went straight for the 48Kb model. The Spectrum was a colour computer (well, 8 of them) with sound (well, 1 of them - produced by the basic BEEP command), but otherwise not that much of a progression from the ZX-81. It had another different, but still truly terrible keyboard. It did open the gates to better games, like Manic Miner, Atic Atac, Defend or Die, Jet Set Willy, and a decent flight simulator. By the time the Spectrum came out, manufacturers of joysticks had caught on, and you could get a decent games controller for the first time. Unfortunately, you had to plug an interface into that bleeding circuit board interface again, so if you got over excited and yanked the joystick cable too far, the computer crashed. As usual.
In 1985 I bought a Commodore 64 with a disk drive. The disk drive took 5.25" disks which could record a whole 170Kb. The capacity of the disk may appear risible now, but it was nearly three times the machine's memory capacity. The C64 had a user port that you could use to control electronic gizmos that you made with Meccano and a soldering iron. So I did. The C64 was a real gaming machine: it was based on a design that was supposed to be at the core of arcade games like Paperboy and Xevious, but got sidetracked somewhere. The Guinness Book of Records 2001 recorded the C64 as the most successful computer product ever: over 30 million units sold. That is more than the total number of Macintoshes on the planet.
In 1987 I learned to drive, got a girlfriend, joined a rock & roll band and forgot about computers for quite a while.
In 1994 I found myself sitting in front of a computer again. It was some sort of Macintosh, can't remember what model exactly, and it could synchronise SMPTE codes for editing video. Funnily enough, that was exactly what I was doing at the time. Two JVC industrial video machines, a vision mixer, a Mac to keep the timecode correct, and a camera the size of a small house. Ah, the wedding video trade. It gave you a strong back and a weak liver after a while.
A couple of jobs later I was back in front of a computer, this time it was a PC. A 286 with 8Mb of RAM, 500Mb of hard disk, running Windows 95 and networked into a UNIX server that actually took care of the business of the day. Let me tell you, trying to keep a Windows 95 computer alive on a network to a server running another OS will teach you a whole lot about computers and the shortcomings of Microsoft. I kept that miserable piece of junk running for two years before it caught fire and died.
I bought my first PC in 1997. 4Gb hard drive, 64Mb RAM, 100MHz Cyrix processor, Windows 95, built-in video and sound, dreadful software modem that worked for ten minutes at a time. It was a bunch of the cheapest, nastiest components that you could fling together and call a computer, but it was mine (I'm still using the monitor!). So I started playing with all the settings in Control Panel and broke it. So I took it apart and broke it some more. It's all a learning experience, looking back on it. When I got it fixed, I installed Doom on it and lost a few months of my life exploring dungeons and hidden lifts.
Eventually it died, as cheap computers do, but I bought bigger and better. I had a band who had been doing a bit of recording, so I bought a CD burner and started running through thousands of CDRs. I also bought my first proper flight simulator: Microsoft Flight Simulator 98. That made me start buying video cards. Oh no! Upgrading disease! Memory; processors; hard disks; more video cards; new motherboard; bigger power supply; new case with extra fans; and all of a sudden I've got two computers instead of one.
Two computers coincided with the arrival of Windows 98 Second Edition and Internet Connection Sharing: enter home networking, and suddenly everyone in the house wants to get on the internet.
When I started studying I needed a laptop so I could have my coursework, e-mail, e-books etc. with me at home and at University, because there weren't enough computers to go around in the labs. I bought a cheap Clevo laptop with a wireless networking adaptor, which is great for both University and home: I don't need to physically plug into the network at University, which is just as well, because you can't always get near the sockets. It is very busy.
I've got a wireless adaptor at home too, so I can link up to the desktop systems' network and their internet connection. It all runs quite smoothly under Windows XP, unless it doesn't in which case nothing works at all. The new wireless setup wizard in SP2 is fine on the 'infrastructure' network at University, but it does mess up the settings for my 'ad hoc' home network. Be warned: only use the Network Setup Wizard, not the Wireless version.
I set up a computer-based learning centre for my new employers so that both staff and service users can work on their computer skills. That was a lot of fun - they gave me a big pile of money and told me to go and spend it all before the end of the financial year. Anyway, it's now built and running. There are five computers, a colour laser network printer, a scanner and photo printer, router and DSL modem, and a big UPS.
This has been my first exposure to Windows Vista, and I have to tell you I'm not too impressed. It does a few things right: the accessibility options are right there on the login screen, the help and support options are much better, but oh my god it's a conceited program. It actually has a feature that rates your computer's suitability to run Vista (mine are coming out at 2.7. Whoop de flaming doo!). It is also full of options where you end up trying to change your operating system settings, and it turns out this is an 'upgrade' and you end up giving more money to Microsoft. If any other software manufacturer tried to plant that on your computer, you would call it spyware.
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Modern
The main problem that I find when I am talking to people about their computers is that they don't take Internet security seriously enough. If you have ever had a virus, a worm, a trojan, had your browser hijacked or inadvertently sent the Prime Minister 3,273 e-mails advertising cut-price Viagra then you need to take Internet Security more seriously. Have you any idea what would happen if you let a hacker open a Remote Assistance session on your computer? Say goodnight, data.
First thing: If you're running Windows, you're a target. If you run a Mac, there are still some vulnerabilities, but you're better off. If you prefer Linux, go right ahead 'cause you're as safe as can be. Most of us, however, run Windows - specifically 98, 2000, Millennium or XP. If so, then here come some hints on staying safe.
- You need an Anti-Virus program. If you want to spend money, spend money. If you don't want to spend money, get a free one. Don't buy one and then refuse to pay for updates. No updates = no protection. Anti-Virus software is here.
- Run Windows Update. Keep your operating system up to date. Microsoft posts all the 'exploits' (weaknesses) in its systems on its website. Virus writers read these posts and then write programs to use these exploits, hoping to catch you in the period between the exploit being discovered and you updating your computer to protect it. And they do catch you regularly. Windows update is here.
- Protect yourself from spyware. There is free software available here - get it, keep it up to date, scan your system regularly (Sunday afternoon, beer in hand, telly on, it's not a chore). Spyware uses up your system memory, slows down your internet connection and can also give away personal information you would rather it would not.
- Don't send e-mail to long lists of people with all their names in the 'To:' box. Send it 'To:' yourself and put everyone else's name in the 'Bcc:' box. When you get your copy back, delete it. Mass-mailing worms look for long lists of e-mail addresses on computers or web servers to copy themselves to, so don't provide them with long lists. It also prevents any problems you might have with the privacy / data protection aspects of your mailing lists: you're not giving everyone on your list everyone else's address.
- Don't download pirate software or dirty movies, don't file-share with people you don't know, don't click on adverts that pretend to tell you that your computer is vulnerable / under attack, NEVER EVER EVER download a program to help you access mucky pictures. Premium rate telephone numbers - £2.50 a minute at least (if it's not international) and it's perfectly legal.
- Don't open e-mail attachments you don't recognise. Unless you know exactly what you are doing, you should never download or open any file that has the following extensions: .exe; .scr; .pif; .com; .bat; .dll. Always make sure your anti-virus is running (there should be an icon in the notification area next to the clock that lets you know). Some viruses have learned how to switch off anti-virus programs, so stay alert to it.
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Anti-Virus software
Housecall is an online scanner that will find any viruses on your system if you think you have one that's got past your normal anti-virus package. Use the links to removal tools it gives you - they will usually do the job.
Housecall: http://housecall.antivirus.com/
AVG Free Anti-Virus is a free anti-virus package that will run on most platforms and does a really good job for the money (i.e. - none). Remember to keep it up to date: no updates = no protection, remember?
AVG Free Anti-Virus: http://www.grisoft.com/
Panda Software do a large range of software, some shareware, some you pay for, either way they get results in some cases when all else has failed.
Panda Software: http://www.pandasoftware.com/
If you are a student at the University of Strathclyde, you are allowed to download a copy of McAfee Virus Scan v8.0 (at the moment) for free, which is updated from the University's web server automatically. This download link will only work on campus, although you can update from home.
McAfee for Strathclyde Students:http://www.its.strath.ac.uk/antivirus/download/McAfeeV8.0iSetup.exe
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Spyware software
Spybot Search & Destroy is a free program that scans your system for spyware, then kills it. It works best if you 'immunise' your system against all known threats. Make sure you keep it up to date.
Spybot S&D: http://security.kolla.de/
Spyware Blaster is similar to Spybot S&D. I run both at the same time with no problems. Make sure you keep it up to date.
Spyware Blaster: http://www.javacoolsoftware.com/spywareblaster.html
AdAware is similar again, but to have it running in the background you need to pay for it. Otherwise you can only use it as a free scanner (and I do). Make sure you keep it up to date.
AdAware: http://www.lavasoftusa.com/
If your browser (Internet Explorer or Netscape) is 'hijacked' and your homepage keeps changing, stuff appears in your favourites folder etc., then you need to use one of the above and then use one of these:
CW Shredder gets rid of CoolWebSearch applications. And stop downloading those funny cursors, 'smileys' and toolbars - they're ridden with the stuff.
CW Shredder: http://www.merijn.org/
If that doesn't work, download HijackThis!, but don't use it recklessly. Run it, and if you know me then e-mail me the report, or else post the results on http://computing.net, in the appropriate forum (virus and security) where they will tell you what bad guys are involved. HijackThis! is here, but handle with care!
HijackThis!: http://hijack-this.net/
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How to Fix your Computer
If your Windows computer is broken and you need to fix it, you will need several things. Firstly, you will need your Windows installation CD and / or startup floppy disk (if you are running Windows 95, 98 or 2000 and you don't have a startup floppy, make one now. Right now. Go to Start > Control Panel > Add / Remove Programs > Startup Disk. You will need one floppy disk). You will probably need another computer to download stuff and check the internet. You may, if you're very unlucky, require a screwdriver. Finally, you will need a huge amount of patience and peace of mind.
If you can get Windows to start but you get error messages, type the exact error message into Google and see what comes back. Look for Microsoft Knowledge Base articles (they have a KB number associated with them, like this one here which is all about rolling back drivers in XP: KB283657). These generally give you enough information to work out what is wrong even if it is beyond your capacity to fix it.
BIOS and POST
When the computer is first switched on, the Basic Input-Output System (BIOS) performs a Power-On Self Test (POST), after which it usually beeps once. If it doesn't get that far, you have a hardware issue and you need a screwdriver. If it beeps several times and the screen stays black, you still have hardware issue, but the sequence of beeps will tell you where the problem is.
You will need to know what brand of BIOS you have (Phoenix, AWARD, AMI, etc.). The different meanings of the beep codes can be found here. The beep codes usually relate to memory chips, graphics and other cards, or the processor. The best solution (if the hardware isn't actually broken) is often to just take the relevant component out and reseat it - that usually works.
If your computer will not complete the POST (when it beeps once), you need to strip the system down to the basic components: motherboard; processor; one bank of memory; video card; power supply. That's all - no keyboard, mouse, hard drives or CD drives, internal cards or peripherals. If that won't start then one of those components is knackered. You can find out which by swapping them out with other components you know work. You need to be aware of static electricity when you work on computers: static kills computer components. Wear natural fibres (no nylon fleeces or synthetic rubber bondage masks), sit down to work and sit still (rubbing your feet on the carpet generates static), and touch the chassis of the computer with both hands before touching anything electronic. This should get rid of most of the static present in your body.
It goes without saying that you unplug the computer from the mains, and you never, ever take a component out of a computer that is running. The only possible exception to this rule is hot-swapping BIOS chips on a machine with shadowed BIOS, but if you're clued up enough to undertake that sort of job, why are you reading a page like this?
Safe Mode
If you're having virus / spyware / browser hijacking / hardware / driver problems and can't get your computer started, then starting in safe mode is a good way to get going again. After the POST beep, press f8 on the keyboard. On some computers this will work just by holding the key down, others require you to repeatedly tap the key. Try both. In Windows 95 / 98 this should bring up a menu that allows you to start normally, in safe mode, command prompt only or step-by-step confirmation. XP should just start in safe mode from f8.
In safe mode you can run anti-virus and scanning programs, change device drivers but your CD drive, network or internet will not work. The best bet with a dodgy driver or program issue is to uninstall the program or the driver under safe mode and then restart the computer normally to complete the job (in Windows 95 /98 the best way to deal with device drivers is to manually change the device type to a standard type using the Windows default driver, and then restart normally. This is particularly true of video card drivers).
Driver Problems
Dodgy device drivers can stop your computer running properly, or indeed at all. If your computer will start in safe mode, you can change the device driver settings under safe mode and then fix the problem under normal Windows. If you know which device caused the problem, then it is quite simple. To change, for instance, a video driver, go to the desktop, right-click My Computer > Properties > Device Manager > select your device > Properties (or double click it). In Windows XP or 2000, you roll back the driver to the previous one. In Windows 95 / 98 go to Update Driver > I Will Choose a Driver > Show all Hardware > Standard Types > Standard VGA Card. Restart your computer normally and install a working driver.
Clean Boot
If you can start in safe mode successfully but still can't start normally, you will need to perform a clean boot. Start in safe mode, go to Start > Run > and type in "MSCONFIG" (without the quotes). This will bring up the System Configuration Utility. Select diagnostic startup > OK and restart normally. This will load a minimal set of Windows components, but the internet, network and CD drive will work.
If you don't know what the specific issue is, then you need to perform a selective startup and find the problem by a process of elimination. This process is a real drag, but it finds the problem every time. From the System Configuration Utility, select Selective Startup > clear all the checkboxes > OK > restart your computer. Go back into System Configuration Utility > Selective Startup > check one of the boxes (start at the top) > OK > restart the computer. If the computer will start successfully, then the problem does not lie in that group of items. Check another box in System Configuration > OK > restart the computer. When you eventually find the startup group with the problem entry in it, leave the checkbox ticked, but go to the corresponding tab along the top of the System Configuration Utility and clear all the checkboxes > OK > restart the computer. Check the boxes one at a time, restarting in between each one until you find the culprit.
Once you have found the culprit, don't leave it there. Go to Start > Run > and type in "SYSEDIT" (without the quotes). This will bring up an editable version of the same startup files. Delete the entry causing the problem, save the file and restart the computer. DO NOT TRY TO USE SYSEDIT FOR SELECTIVE OR DIAGNOSTIC STARTUP! This will really break your computer properly for you, and you'll need to take it to a shop who will surgically remove your wallet for you. Always, always, always use MSCONFIG first.
Getting into BIOS / Starting from a Floppy Disk
BIOS has settings for your computer's components which sometimes need to be changed, for instance if you install new hardware or if you want to change the boot device for your system. If your system will not start even in safe mode, you can try to reinstall Windows. If you have a Dell, Toshiba, Time, IBM or similar proprietary machine, you should have a recovery disk, and your system should be set up to run it fairly easily. If not, you will need to boot from another disk. Windows XP, 2000 and 98 Second Edition will (should) boot straight from the CD, but older systems require a startup floppy, and need you to try booting from the floppy first. If your system does not try to boot from the floppy first, you will need to set it to do so. That means getting into BIOS.
When the computer performs its POST, it usually gives you a message like "Press DEL to enter setup" or "Press f2 to enter setup" on the screen for a couple of seconds. Press f2 or the delete key as appropriate. If it does not give you such a message, try f2, Delete, Ctrl, or even Enter. Again, some systems work from the key being held down, others work from repeatedly tapping the key. If that does not work, as an absolute last resort you can take the power plug out of your CD drive before you switch the computer on. This will generate an error in BIOS, and it should then let you into setup to correct it.
To change the order of boot devices, you need to find the appropriate entry which will list the current first device, the hard disk, as "IDE0". You need to change that value to "FLOPPY" for Windows 95 / 98, or "CD ROM" for 2000 and XP. In general you navigate around BIOS using the arrow keys, and change values by either hitting enter or using the Page Up and Page Down keys. Always save your settings before exiting, otherwise the restart will use the original settings. Do not arbitrarily change settings in BIOS, it is a very good way to break your computer all over again.
To start from a startup floppy, put it in the floppy drive and start the computer. A menu will ask if you want to start with CD Rom support, without CD Rom support, or view the help file. If you are starting Windows setup, choose CD Rom support, if you are formatting or partitioning your hard drive don't bother with CD Rom support. The Windows startup floppy creates a virtual drive in the system memory. It is generally drive D:. If your CD drive is usually D: it will now be E:, if it is usually E: it will now be F:. When you want to start Windows setup you will need to remember to add the extra drive letter (E:/SETUP.EXE instead of D:/SETUP.EXE). Once you have started from the floppy and got Windows setup started, remember to go back into BIOS and make the hard drive the first boot device again, otherwise it will keep starting (or trying to) from the floppy drive.
Registry Backup and System Restore
Windows 98 Second Edition introduced a problematic little innovation called Registry Backup. If your registry was corrupted or would not run correctly, this feature would automatically replace the registry with a backup copy. Unfortunately, this meant that if you spent three hours trying to correct a device driver conflict, when you restarted your system, the computer would decide it didn't like the look of your new registry settings and would replace it with the old, backed up ones, putting you right back at the beginning of your problems again.
You could not turn off Registry Backup, and you couldn't control it. I lost count of the number of times I had to reformat my computer and start again when I could not correct driver errors because of it. If you have problems with Registry Backup undoing your changes in Windows 98 S.E., I'm afraid you're stuck with them (although if it is specifically a hardware issue, you can try this). Registry Backup's general shabbiness is the reason for Windows XP's all-singing-all-dancing System Restore feature, but even that has its problems.
By default, System Restore will use up to 10% of your hard disk. That is, even if you have a 160 - 200 Gb disk. To reduce this amount, right-click My Computer > Properties > System Restore > and move the slider down to 2% for computers with 20 - 40 Gb hard drives, or 1% for a computer with a bigger hard drive than that.
System Restore will save copies of any viruses or trojans you succumb to, so if you are cleaning up your hard drive, you might need to turn System Restore off first. Right-click My Computer > Properties > System Restore > check the 'Turn off System Restore' box. Remember to turn it back on later, though... If you are going to make any changes to your system, you might want to create a system restore point beforehand so you can undo your changes. You'll find the wizard to do it in Help and Support.
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Sorting out hardware and device driver problems in Windows 95 and 98
If you have a device driver problem that you can't sort out because Windows will not recognise your device properly, or registry backup keeps undoing your changes, there is a way to get around it, but it is quite drastic, so treat it as a last resort. You do this entirely at your own risk.
Make sure you have all the driver disks you need for your hardware: motherboard; video card; sound card; modems; printers; mouse; scanners; cameras; whatever else.
Go to Start > Run > type in "REGEDIT" (without the quotes) > go to HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE > click on the '+' sign > delete registry key 'Enum'.
When you restart the machine, it will ask you to provide driver disks for all your devices, which should sort out your device driver problems for you.
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